bonbons & bons mots

Holiday Letter 2011

Dear friends and family,

We hope you have had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are enjoying a peaceful holiday season full of all the right things - family, laughter, charity, and joy.  Whether you’ve been occupying Wall Street, the driver’s seat of your car, a coveted treadmill at your gym, or the worn chair of your office desk, we hope this year has given you both purpose and (appropriate) reward.

Payton (9) continues at our alternative public elementary school.  After several years of questioning whether her youth compared to her classmates was serving her well or hindering her, we made the decision (collectively with her and her teacher) to keep her in 3rd grade this year.  We’re so grateful to be in a school community that recognizes that not all kids are on the same developmental calendar.  Payton is enjoying being the oldest for a change, is stretching and growing in both academic and social confidence, and seems a little more relaxed.  She has an amazing capacity to make and keep friends, she has a mental social map of the entire school, and she’s especially embracing to the “youngers” and special-needs kids in her mixed-age class.  If only she could see in the mirror what all the adults (and most of the kids) around her see when we watch her!  She continued to play soccer this fall: the highlighter-yellow Electrons just finished an undefeated season by winning the playoffs.  We keep telling the kids this might be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.  (Their coach, a lifelong athlete, had never been affiliated with an undefeated team, so we suspect this meant more to him than to the girls!)  This season, Payton learned to go after the ball and had some great assists and defensive plays.  She also participated in the annual school play, which was a great ensemble experience -- we look forward to it again this coming year.  She continues to love any cousin time she can get, and clamors for trips and excuses to get the families together.  Her loves are Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Glee, fashion (she was Audrey Hepburn for Halloween),     popular music (she and Jane sit in the car a few extra minutes before school most mornings, singing along to the radio), and her friends.

Shep (11) made the leap to middle school this year, and none of us could be happier with where he has landed.   (Well, he says he’d be happier if the school days were shorter and/or the school week only 4 days long.)  Engaged and engaging teachers, well-designed and welcoming transitions, and impressive electives have all eased any fears we had about “the wilds of junior high”.  He was fortunate to win the lottery for entry into a slightly-alternative program within our neighborhood public middle school.  The program is more project-based and focuses on cooperative rather than competitive learning and on building community, both for the students and the parents.  So far, we’ve found that they don’t trade quality and depth of instruction to meet these goals -- if anything, the approach allows a bit more depth of learning.  Now if only we could get him to stretch himself with his assignments (rather than doing just-enough.)  He’s getting himself to and from school every day (on bike), and we’re all enjoying the increased independence.  He also continued to play soccer this fall.  His coach (a former Canadian national and Olympic hockey player!) was FABULOUS.  While their record did not show it at all, these boys learned a ton and had a great time (though they would have welcomed a few more tallies in the “W” column, for sure).  The most fabulous recent news for him and for Jane is that, after almost 5 years, they are both done with allergy shots!  Shep continues his love of books and Kindle, of computer and Legos, and nearly anything with a screen.  He’s crestfallen that Lego’s massively-multiplayer-role-playing-game (MMPRPG) “Lego Universe” is going dark in late January, but we’re certain he’ll find another time-sink (we mean, hobby) quickly.  He’s still enjoying the memories of an adventurous summer road trip with Kevin’s parents, in which they took him to Yellowstone and Jackson Hole for amazing scenery, lots of bison, and even a sighting or two of Shep’s beloved moose.  The alpine slide and a dinner in Jackson with his good school buddy were two of the highlights.

Over the summer, Jane (age classified) wrapped up a fun, busy year as president of the elementary school PTA.  It was a lot of hours of work but it was very rewarding in the friendships formed, meaningful work done, close working relationships with staff and parents, and opportunity for stretching her work and leadership skills.  She is still on that board this school year, has joined the school Site Council, and is now chairing the “friends” board for the parent-participation preschool program we attended with both kids.  She maintains her commitment to Kappa Alpha Theta by serving a second term as Nominating Committee Chair, leading the process to nominate the next leaders of the Fraternity, work which culminates at the biannual Convention in Tucson in 2012.  She also continues to rabble-rouse against her alma mater’s asinine policies on fraternities and sororities and has the pleasure of writing occasional articles for the Theta magazine, highlighting some aspect of our very well-archived history.  New territory for her is her paid work as a classroom aide in Payton’s class of 2nd and 3rd graders.  It’s fewer than 10 hours per week and is a fabulous opportunity to work with a wonderful teacher and 24 funny, bright, energetic kids (and one snake, a ball python who thankfully hides most of the time, as Jane has a life-long irrational fear of snakes).   Payton hasn’t been too embarrassed yet by her regular presence.  Of course, Jane still looks for and seizes any opportunity to bake and practice her chocolatiering skills and teaches a chocolate class now and then.  Feel free to let her know when you get a hankering for something sweet.

Kevin (ageless) has continued to straddle his two start-ups through the entire year.  As we write this, the ink is drying on the contract to sell the first start-up’s patents, which will allow Kevin and his partner to officially close up shop (and significantly in the black, to boot, phew!)–something they’ve been working towards for 2 years.  Simultaneously, his newer venture, Right Side Capital Management, has just made its first capital call.  Their focus is very-early-stage seed funding, and is based on their in-depth research and analysis of the current funding models (which they are decidedly not following).  While the climb hasn’t been as steep/quick as they hoped when they embarked on this path 2+ years ago, they are excited to be participating in the funding of TechStars’ 2012, 2013, and 2014 classes of start-ups; are pleased with the outcome of their software and process development work; and are very excited to really get rolling with broader investments in the coming months.  While it’s been a stressful and at times trying business year, his belief in the concept and his excitement about the possibilities of revolutionizing seed funding have kept him going and focused on the long-term (Jane’s not sure how he manages it all with such equanimity).  Weekly beatings (boxing lessons) with his coach, Tim, help him exorcise the demons, as do his gym workouts and nightly dog-walks.  Occasional blogging on topics ranging from economics (which informs just about everything he thinks and decides) to intelligence to nasal irrigation gives him an outlet for his many, many thoughts on what he reads and hears.  Though a skilled search of facebook reveals that at least one wedding was crashed, and reports are that “Tecate Light makes you feel all right,” most of the details of his weekend trip to Cabo to celebrate his brother’s birthday are still classified, which means it was a great trip.  Señor!

In addition to Shep’s road-trip adventure, we were really fortunate to spend a lovely week on the Big Island of Hawaii with Jane’s family to celebrate her mom’s birthday.  Kevin and Jane enjoyed both Princeton’s and Stanford’s 20th reunions, and we finally got back to Sun Valley for a week in the summer.  (Having survived a sans-Kevin road trip to Las Vegas in February, Jane and the kids drove, and Kevin joined them for a few days and the drive home.)  Many weekends were/are spent at the home of Kevin’s brother and his family (just a couple of miles away), swimming and/or hot-tubbing and cousin-wrassling, and we enjoyed several weekend visits from Kevin’s parents.  We’ve just had a lovely Thanksgiving in Santa Barbara with Kevin’s family (but forgot to take any photos!) and look forward to hosting them for Christmas Eve fun.

As this year winds down, we celebrate our 20th anniversary.  Both of us are incredibly grateful to the crazy, illogical, head-strong pair of college students who, for whatever reason, recognized “It” when it came along and jumped without fear into what has been an amazing partnered life so far–we are truly better as a couple than we are as individuals.  We are also grateful to all of you–those who were there back then (or before!), and those who have joined our lives along the road since then.  Your friendship and love, perspectives and talents, humor and beliefs make our lives richer than we deserve. 

Please know that we send you warm hopes for your year ahead!

with love,

Thoughts on volunteering

As a response to a question on a fabulous parenting listserv to which I belong, I composed these thoughts on how to avoid one's own volunteer burnout.  I'll state up front that I volunteer a lot - it's my profession at this point in life.  So, take my comments from that perspective:

1. Try to never say yes to something just because no one else will do  it.  I am a FIRM believer that if the community (school, church, town, whatever) does not support it with sufficient volunteer power, it should not be done.  It doesn't matter if it's "always been done".   Very few things are mission-critical.

2. Try to help your communities cut the unnecessary busy-work.  We  have created several monsters in our volunteer/school communities.  I  am not sure if it's out of a sense of everyone-has-to-chip-in (so we've created as many jobs as we have people) or what, but it's kind of insane.  The biggest example of this is the dreaded SNACK.  Parents  are killing themselves over snack-duty, and we're raising a generation of people who think you MUST eat at any and all activities.  In addition, 
we're taking away some measure of parental control in guiding (and the visibility of) their kids' nutritional habits.  Sure, sometimes a snack or meal is appropriate given the timing of the event, and sometimes it makes for a more social or festive event.  But for day-to-day activities, parents should pack a snack for their own kids, if said kids will need a snack.

3. Don't fall into the "I don't have a Good Reason to say no" trap.   You don't have to give a reason at all.  "No, I'm sorry, that won't work for me" is sufficient.

4. Don't worry about other parents'/volunteers' perceptions that you're not pulling your weight.  (This, of course, does not strictly apply if there is an agreement ahead of time of a certain amount of volunteer effort on your part for your child/family/self to participate.)

4a. Don't compare yourself to those people who love/are able to volunteer a lot (or to those who are big martyrs about it).  Every family has a totally different structure and schedule and every volunteer has a different personality/need for sleep/need for down-time.  It takes a village, not because every villager has to volunteer, but because not every villager can volunteer.  Those who can't, add to the world in many other ways and are no less valuable.

5. Be choosy - happy volunteers are the ones doing something they find personally redeeming in some way.  For some, it's because the volunteer activity is fun to them; for others it's the sense of 
contribution (so what they're doing isn't as important to them as that they're doing it); for others it's the chance to use an existing skill (web-design, baking, editing, whatever) or to learn a new one.  Volunteerism isn't a chore assigned to you by someone else but a choice you get to make.

5a. Be proactive - pick one (or however many you want) ways to volunteer that really speak to you, rather than wait to be asked (usually to do the left-overs).  Just as it's easier to decline a handout to a panhandler if you already give to a homeless shelter or food bank, it's easier to say, "no thank you" to a volunteer opportunity if you're already out there doing any amount of good (by your own definition).

6. Enlist a buddy.  The cynical view of this is that "misery loves company".  The optimistic view is that more hands make light work, and things are always more fun with a friend.

7. If your circumstances change once you've committed to something, speak up sooner rather than later.  You can feel disappointed, but skip the guilt.

8. Once you've committed, don't view others' complaints (if there are any) as your To-Do items.  They are opportunities for the complainer(s) to volunteer/be part of the solution -- or to make peace with the situation.

9.  Once you've committed, don't think it can be blown off just because you're not getting paid for it.  Sure, there are legitimate reasons you'd need to bail on something (see #7 above), but treat your 
volunteer commitments and co-workers with the same respect you give your "day job" -- others are counting on you and need to know if you can't follow-through, for whatever reason.

10. Enlist the kids.  If a lot of the volunteering is for school/kid activities, encourage that particular community to find ways for the kids themselves to do some of the work.  This has SO many benefits!

11. Set some boundaries (perhaps with your entire family).  Decide what really works and doesn't work for you all to be relatively happy -- it may be a maximum number of night meetings or saving a day/evening of the week that you absolutely will not volunteer, whatever.  And then do your best to stick with it.

12. Keep your perspective and skip the perfectionism (and encourage those around you to do the same).  The elementary school yearbook does not have to rival the high school's (in fact, it doesn't have to be published at all!).  The preschool Thanksgiving feast should be about community, gratitude, and experiencing a communal meal, not the perfect traditional turkey-and-fixings banquet. 

12a.  Allow other volunteers to indulge in their bliss without assuming they've lost sight of #12 above (or that the bar is now set permanently high).  (This one might be a little self-centered.)  I love to bake and make chocolates.  So, when it's my week to make something for the after-school Farmers Market, I generally bring something of professional quality.  This is because it's what I love to do, and this volunteer opportunity is a way for me to share that in a meaningful way with my community.  I do NOT expect anyone else to do it, nor do I expect or want comparison.  I can't keep a houseplant alive or really sew on a button, nor do I feel threatened by the volunteers who bring amazing produce from their gardens or sew new curtains to spruce up the staff lounge.

Having said all that, these are all easier said than done, of course.  Keep them in mind as you are presented with volunteer opportunities, though, and see if there's more joy in your volunteering roles.

Margarita Concentrate

Margarita Concentrate
Makes about 7 (16 oz) pints

6 cups hulled strawberries or mango chunks (or 8 cups blackberries) - thawed, if frozen
4 cups freshly squeezed lime juice
6 cups granulated sugar

Directions:
1. Prepare boiling water canner. Keep clean jars in simmering water until ready to use.  Pour simmering water over lids and keep warm until ready to use.  Set bands aside.

2. Purée fruit in a blender or food processor fitted with a metal blade, working in batches, until smooth. (If using blackberries, strain through a food mill fitted with a fine disk to remove most of the seeds.)  Transfer puree to a large stainless steel saucepan as completed.

3. Add lime juice and sugar to puree, stirring to combine. Heat to 190° F over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. Do not boil. Remove from heat and skim off foam.

4. Carefully pour or ladle hot concentrate into hot jars leaving 1/4 inch headspace. Wipe rims clean. Center lids on jars. Apply bands until fit is fingertip tight.

5. Process jars in a boiling water canner (on rack) for 15 minutes, adjusting for altitude. Remove jars and cool. Check lids for seal after 24 hours. Lid should not flex up and down when center is pressed.

To use for limeade: mix with equal parts water or sparkling water.

To make margaritas:

• Combine two parts concentrate with one part water
• Add tequila to your preference (I like 1 1/2 parts) & a splash of Cointreau or Grand Marnier
• Shake with ice & serve straight up, or pour over crushed ice

Margaritas-in-a-bag

Anyone who knows me well knows I love me some well-made margaritas (top-notch tequila, actual fresh lime juice, Cointreau or Grand Marnier, shaken and served straight-up, martini-style, if you please).  They also know that I like making special gifts in the kitchen.  So, at the end of another school year, why not combine those two traits?

I made up several batches of mango-lime, blackberry-lime, and strawberry-lime concentrate (a recipe I made by altering a pretty standard canning recipe for lemonade concentrate).  Then, I (virtually) hopped over to BevMo.com to see what kinds of minis and 375s my local store had in stock and ordered some:

• 375ml bottles of Patron silver tequila
• airplane minis of Herradura reposado tequila
• airplane minis of Grand Marnier
• airplane minis of Cointreau

I dressed up simple twist-handled kraft bags (Papermart.com rocks) with some cardstock tags and chocolate brown satin ribbon (Papermart.com, again) ("Have a Drink on Us!").  Then I had fun mixing-and-matching the concentrates and liquors.  Some gifts were just concentrate, some concentrate with minis, and a few were the Big Daddy combo pictured here.  Each bag also included instructions for making limeade and margaritas.

 

For limeade, just mix equal parts of concentrate and water or sparkling water.

For margaritas:

• Combine two parts concentrate with one part water
• Add tequila to your preference (I like 1 1/2 parts) & a splash of Cointreau or Grand Marnier
• Shake with ice & serve straight up, or pour over crushed ice
• Repeat as necessary

This makes a wonderful treat for summer (or, any other time of year that you crave a little sip of summer).

 

2009 Holiday Letter

How does one sum up 2009?  Nationally and globally, not the best of years.   The almost palpable sense of wonder and hope many (though certainly not all) of us felt on Inauguration Day seemed to wane quickly when faced with the realities awaiting (created by?) our leaders.  Very locally, our little burg of Palo Alto had its share of tragedy, vitriolic debate, and financial woe. 

While it has been so easy to give in to the atmosphere of complaint and self-pity this year, we are trying to really reflect on and recognize the meaningful moments, people, and “treasures” in life, and we hope the same for you.  Let us all find the kernels of joy to combat the doom-and-gloom of the media, express our opinions without denigrating those with whom we disagree, live in the moment with those around us instead of borrowing troubles from the future. . .  We don’t always get there, but we’re trying.

Kevin and Jane both turned 40 early in the year.  While we admit to many thoughts of disbelief and not feeling adult enough to be “the new 30”, we thoroughly enjoyed the occasion and milked it for all it was worth.  We hosted a small cocktail party

Kev & Jane celebrate turning 40

with some of our cherished friends and enjoyed reconnecting virtually with our many high school and college peeps who also hit the milestone this year.  This summer marked the 20th anniversary of our meeting, and we had many trips down memory lane via facebook with our fellow summer camp counselors from 1989, complete with photos. 

People actually entrusted this 1989 crew with their children

Time seems to pass in the blink of an eye!

Payton turned 7 in September. 

Payton taste-testing marshmallow

Again, we must have blinked.  She’s in 2nd grade and adjusting well, doing all she needs to do but struggling with her confidence as a learner.  We’re trying hard not to project into the future to Payton’s high school and college years and hoping this self-esteem problem is something we can all work to assuage together.  Payton continues to love the social outlet of school and has enjoyed meeting some new-to-her kids in her new classroom (a combined 2nd/3rd grade).  She is really enjoying her vibrant, warm teacher, and we’re all very grateful for (and impressed with) teacher Michelle.  Payton still swims once a week and has added a very low-key gym class to her week.  Jane admits to being jealous watching her run, bounce, tumble, and swing with utter freedom on Friday afternoons.  She has become a huge fan of all things Harry Potter (she saw the latest movie twice in the theatre and now once at home while sick) and identifies most with Ginny Weasley.

Neville Longbottom & Ginny Weasley on Halloween

Shep will be 10 in March.  Double-digits.  Crazy.  He remains fascinated with Mythbusters, reading, Legos (though more occasionally than before), Harry Potter, and trips to the bookstore.  His new interests this year are Nerf guns, the Percy Jackson and Warriors series of books, Dungeons and Dragons, and, to our delight, soccer. 

Shep plays soccer

As the only new-to-soccer player on his under-10 AYSO team, he excitedly enjoyed every practice and every game.  He was extremely lucky to land on a team with a fabulous coaching duo and a great group of kids (could have gone so differently for the sole newbie on the team).  He even scored a few goals, though he professed to enjoy playing goalie the most (our least-favorite to watch him play).  He is really enjoying his new classroom (a combined 4th/5th grade) with a very young (male) teacher, who reminds us all a little of a younger version of Uncle Doug.

Kevin has been excitedly working away on launching Right Side Capital Management (website coming in January), his attempt to revolutionize start-up funding.  Feedback from the finance/funding/economics cognoscenti is very positive, so it’s just a matter now of finding that first deep-pocketed major investor.  Network Resonance (the previous start-up) continues its not-quite-dead-yet status, with some potential patent deals looming.  His excitement for and intellectual engagement in the Right Side project has more than made up for the uncertainty factor.  He also continues to box once a week with his trainer and buddy (and former UFC fighter) Tim and added Saturday workouts with the local high school wrestling team, helping their heavyweights.  Add in nightly walks with the dog and 4 trips to the gym a week, and you’ve got an idea of his fitness level.  (Working out with 17 year-olds inspired him to trim down a bit -- while they haven’t gotten their “man-strength” yet, they are ridiculously flexible and fast.)

Jane has kept busy with lots of volunteer work in between kid-shuttling, meal prep, and laundry.  Various roles in the elementary school PTA, the board of our former preschool, and Theta (of course!) have kept her off the streets and out of (relative) trouble.  Making temporary peace with the fact that she wasn’t ready to start a chocolate-centered business, she continues to practice as a “semi-professional chocolatier”, finding various excuses to both confect

handmade chocolates

and teach, usually gratis, occasionally for small pay.  (If you have an idea how to create a food business which doesn’t involve weekends and can be contained in a very part-time box, let her know.)  For now, she’s grateful to have the time to do all the school drop-offs (walk-ins, still!) and pick-ups, watch the swimming lessons, volunteer in both classrooms, and drive on the occasional field trip.  Monday morning moms’ coffees are the highlights of her weeks.

The excitement in our household this year ranged from a bout of summer mononucleosis for Shep; Payton’s reading really hitting stride; having Ginger, our rescue Golden Retriever, really become part of the family;

Ginger

and (currently) a likely case of H1N1 flu for poor Pay. 

Travel included a short late-season ski trip to Sun Valley (Jane & the kids; an over-the-top long weekend in Mexico for Rafe & Laura’s wedding (Jane & Kevin); annual extended-family summer trips to Solvang

The Shepherd cousins afloat

& Mammoth

Payton & Kev atop Mammoth Mountain

(everyone); the annual tent-cabin camping weekend in Big Basin with preschool friends (Jane & the kids, with Kevin making a daytime guest appearance); a short jaunt to Portland to see Grandma Dick (Kevin); a very short jaunt to Dallas for a Theta conference (Jane); an overnight tent-camping (our first!) trip with Payton’s new class (Jane & Payton); and a once-in-a-lifetime sojourn in French Polynesia (Jane & Kevin, huge thanks to both of our parents for making it happen!).

Kev & Jane underwater in Moorea

Reading back over this blog and comparing it to last year’s, it seems not much has changed with us, which we suppose is a Good Thing considering the changes 2009 could have brought.  We hope your home is filled with all the important things as you celebrate your family holidays this season: love, kindness, worthy challenges, and a healthy dose of humor to season it all.

Hot Chocolate on a Stick

In this post, we bring you the latest example of me riffing on someone else's great idea, which, essentially, is what cooking is all about.  (Truly, wholly NEW dishes are rarely created -- innovation always starts with at least a kernel of something that already exists.)

I love the King Arthur Flour Baker's Catalogue.  Not only is it a great collection of products for a baker/confectioner, it's a great read, with crisp and interesting writing and recipes that are always fresh (even for classic dishes) and truly worthy.  (Most semi-serious cooks, especially bakers, can tell you: finding worthy recipes, as your starting place, is three-quarters of the battle.  There's more chaff than wheat out there.)

When thumbing through my latest paper issue of the catalogue, I came across an idea too good to ignore.  I had to try it -- and to make it, somehow, my own ("Jane it up", as I like to say).

Anyone who's taken one of my chocolate classes can tell you I wax rhapsodic about the simple wonders of ganache.  I've always told my chocolate students that leftover ganache (if such a thing exists) makes wonderful hot chocolate. . . So, imagine my delight when I see how those KAF folk have taken it one step further: essentially, a block of ganache on-a-stick.  It-on-a-stick, indeed. 

Wanting to put my own signature on it, I envisioned a pillow-soft marshmallow resting atop the block of chocolaty goodness.  In possession of marshmallow know-how from my s'mores escapades,

I whipped up a batch of marshmallows and divided the finished batter, leaving half as vanilla and mixing ground freeze-dried raspberries into the other half for delicately pink-tinted raspberry marshmallows.  Once the slabs-o-mallow were set, I cut them with a small round cookie cutter, thinking circular marshmallows would make nice visual play with the cubes of chocolate.

Using slim wooden stir-sticks, I speared one marshmallow and 1 chocolate block together, et voila:

HC on a Stick

To package them, I used small cellophane bags and silver twist ties.  As bake sale items for our school Harvest Festival, I grouped 4 into a small mug and added a nice tag.  (One recipe made about 36 blocks.)

Mug

I have a few adjustments in mind for refining/expanding on the basic recipe to make more intensely chocolate hot chocolate and to bring in other complementary flavor profiles.  Since it's ganache based, you know I'll have fun (and plenty of voluntary tasters) testing my theories.  I think I have stumbled on this year's holiday gifts for teachers and other beloveds. . .

More on the flowerpot smoker. . .

The pulled pork was amazing.  After 12 1/2 hours in the smoker, it was fall-apart tender, superlatively smoky, and succulent.  It paired especially well with our homemade barbeque sauce.  (Since I had purchased boneless pork shoulder, I tied each of them to keep them compact and together.)

Smoked pork shoulder

I didn't get a photo of the full spread, since I was at the Urgent Care center with our sick son during the party, darn it.

My friend Jean asked for a photo that would show the scale of the smoker, so here's Miss Pay posing with it, mid-smoke:

Scale2

We will definitely be using it again.  Would love any suggestions in comments!

Flowerpot Smoker

This past weekend, with nods to Alton Brown and Dave Naffziger (whoever you are, Dave), Kevin and I built a flowerpot smoker.

(I first typed “flower pot smoker” but fear that would lead to ambiguity as to the true, wholesome nature of this project.  Kevin and I are two of the only California-high-school-educated-in-the-80’s kids who never smoked anything -- not even stem, Darren.)

We got most of the supplies at the hardware store, with the few remaining purchases at Bed, Bath, & Beyond.  We ended up with a 16-inch flowerpot (diameter of the top opening).  We couldn’t find a 16-inch ceramic bowl to use as the top, so we got a 16-inch ceramic “saucer” (Kevin used a masonry drill-bit to put a hole in the center, as there was no drainage hole).

Drilling saucer

OSH also had a 14-inch circular replacement grill grate, which fits nicely inside the large flowerpot.

We got a single portable electric burner (“buffet range”), a sturdy 9-inch traditional (i.e., not nonstick) cake pan, and a 100-to-400 degree range thermometer at BB&B.  Kevin separated the plastic base (with the control knob) from the burner element and drip pan and reconnected the wires through the drain hole in the bottom of the flower pot, with the base/control knob oustide the smoker and the element/drip pan inside.  This innovation is directly copied from Dave Naffziger’s site, so thanks, Dave!

Open top

With the burner inside the flowerpot, we placed the pot on top of 3 bricks, to raise it off our deck and to allow more air circulation into the smoker.  We placed 2 large handfuls of hickory wood chips, which we had soaked for over an hour in water, in the cake pan, and placed that directly on top of the burner element.  The grill grate then went into the flower pot, and we inverted the ceramic saucer over the top of the pot as a lid.  The thermometer went into the hole Kevin had drilled, and we turned the burner on medium.

After only 10 minutes, there was smoke curling out of the smoker and the thermometer read 185° F.  After 5 more minutes, we put a rack of baby back ribs (about 2 pounds), which we had rubbed with a dry rub and had cut in half (between the 2 middle ribs), on the grill grate.  Within 13 minutes, the thermometer read 210°, which was our goal temp.  

We checked the temperature frequently, adjusting the control knob in small increments anytime it wandered out of our 210-220° desired range.  Once, it dipped all the way down to 180, so we checked that there were plenty of chips left, took the opportunity to flip the ribs, and adjusted the control knob a bit higher.  The temperature came right back up.

The ribs were tear-apart-tender after 3 hours and 20 minutes of smoking.  We removed them to a platter, placed the whole platter inside a brown paper bag, folded the bag closed, and set it on the counter to rest.

The ribs were definitely smoky, with a great flavor and nice crust (not too dark or crispy).  We would both like the inside just a  _bit_ more moist, so we may lower the temp just a little next time we do ribs.  All in all, this “test run” was a huge success.  Not bad for a couple of avowed non-DYI’ers.

We fired her up again today to make smoked pork shoulder for pulled pork sandwiches for our Donner mini-reunion.  We brined two boneless pork shoulders overnight, applied a dry rub just before smoking, and smoked it for about 12 1/2 hours.  It's resting right now under foil.  I'll let you know how it turned out.

On the evolution of a marriage

This article on cnn.com probably could have been written by my husband.  Because of some of the details, the writing style, and his sense of privacy, I know it was not, but still...

We've been married for over 17 years now (why, yes, we were married as toddlers -- how did you guess?).  Our is/was a story of love at almost-first-sight.  Because my parents might someday actually venture onto my blog, I will not share all the details of our speedy realization and affirmation of the It-ness of our love.  [They are still reeling, almost 20 years later from my tearful announcement of our engagement (I knew it would go over like a ton of bricks, hence the tears).  I’m still reeling from their (independent but identical) reaction: “Engaged for what?”]  Our kids are 9 and 6 1/2, so parenting is not new for us, though we sure do feel like rookies some days.  We’ve come out the other end of the crushing, consuming, self-losing storm of infancy and toddlerhood, marriage intact.  Changed, surely, but intact.

Like the author of the article, I would say we have a wonderful marriage.  The more relationships I witness (though certainly, it is only as an outsider), the more I value and cherish and thank-the-Lord-above for ours.  I say this not out of judgment of others’ situations but out of gratitude that we both, for whatever reason, had the good sense (or complete lack of logic and reason) to recognize what we had and to not fear it, even though the world around us was telling us implicitly and explicitly that we were crazy stupid.  Every so often, I am overcome with gratitude that we seem to find marriage “easy” and truly enjoyable.  I have no reason to offer for our good fortune, we have no special skill or knowledge that makes it so, and I’m knocking on the wood of my desk as I type this because I’m hugely superstitious and aware of how quickly things change in life.

Marrying so (relatively) young afforded us several gifts.  We grew our adult lives together rather than trying to fit 2 ready-formed, independent lives together.  We made career decisions together--while there were limitations on each of us because we had to consider the other person’s career/life, we each have also had opportunities to try different jobs/take less income because the other had steady income at the time.  We had plenty of time (8 years) as just a two-some before we had our children.  Surely, we made trade-offs and gave up some individual opportunities, but we also gained a lot.

But, like the author’s, our marriage is most definitely different than it was in those early years.  By necessity, we are not just focused solely on the two-of-us unit.  I find it easy to be distracted from the marriage by all of the other roles in my life, first and foremost that of mother.  Frankly, in many small ways, I probably take the marriage for granted, which I know is a huge mistake -- and a theft from my husband and myself.  The day-to-day that permeates our home (which honestly  feels like my workplace) impedes on my spontaneity, my self-ness, my wife-ness.  It may be just as difficult for him to mentally “escape” here since he works fully from home.  Our internal clocks are just different enough to make our down-time not entirely coincide.  In the luxurious days of pre-parenthood, this wasn’t as big a factor since we had whole weekends and evenings to ourselves. 

Neither of us would trade what we have: 2 great (but, of course, crazy-inducing) kids and a dog with issues, a life set-up that affords us nightly family dinners and bedtime routines, weekends together, thus-far the opportunity for us to be a single-income/work-from-home family so that we can fully participate in the care and schooling of our kids.  

There are a lot of little things we still do, which we hardly notice most of the time, that occasionally bring a remembering smile.  We have a special sign-off for emails and written notes to each other that we’ve had for almost as long as we’ve been married.  We occasionally call each other the nicknames from the summer school-camp we worked at the summer we met.  We’re still prone to some small affectionate touch as we pass each other in the kitchen or a stolen smooch while waiting for the kids to finish their bedtime preparations.

But to say that we don’t each occasionally wistfully remember the “us” of the old days would be dishonest. 

So, knowing full well that we don’t want to and can’t go back, what can we do to just reintroduce a little of our former selves into our marriage?  I know I need to make more of an effort to mentally check-out from the day-to-dayness surrounding us in our moments alone.  We need to continue to take advantage of opportunities to get away (a change of scenery, even if it’s just a restaurant we never go to with the kids, has awesome powers of refocus).  We both need to step away from the screens more frequently in the evening (computer, TV, iPhone) or at least share the same screen while we snuggle on the sofa.  Reach out to one another, not just with vents about our individual days.

[And, for the record, I was very pleased that the author of the article (for the most part) resists finger-pointing for the “loss”.  Though the headline (“missing the woman I fell in love with”) prepped me for an accusatory, one-sided plea for change in his wife, the author seems to grasp that the evolution and development of their relationship -- its losses and its gains -- are the consequences of many factors, and that decisions and actions that each of them make each day are contributing factors.]

Thoughts on being a Dick

A newish-to-me but very well established (and wonderful!) online parents' discussion group for Princeton alumni is currently having a "conversation" about changing one's name upon marriage.  My contribution was repeatedly bounced (despite iterative edits) by the list's spam filter, and, subsequently, by alumni.princeton.edu when I tried to email it to interested individuals.  So, what the heck, I'm posting it here.  Let's see how Vox feels about the word "penis". . .

Welcome to Bonbons & Bons Mots, p-netters!

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We married young (wedding was 6 months after our Princeton/Stanford graduations).  

We talked about last names for a long time.  We both wanted to have the same last name - it's what we were both used to, and, to me, I didn't want to be "left out", having a different last name than my husband and any (at that point, hypothetical) kids.  We talked about him taking my name but figured his Grandpa Dick, who was still living, really would be saddened by that.  We considered changing it to "Richards" or something closer to the Volga-German original (if we could find it).  Hyphenation was right out (being either the Shepherd-Dicks or the Dick-Shepherds just seemed to add fuel to the fire - lovely mental images with both those names).

So, I've been Jane Dick for over 17 years.  I do get snickers on the phone, and most people seem relieved that they can blame those snickers on the whole Jane-Dick-Spot reference than on anything more salacious.  Our kids (9 and 6 1/2) know that their last name is a vulgar slang for penis, but they are young enough that it hasn't been used against them, yet.  My husband wears it (or at least the fact of surviving childhood/high school with it) as a badge of honor (of course, he and his brother were "Big Dick" and "Little Dick" on the h.s. wrestling team - perhaps he'd be less ok with it had he been "Little Dick").  Not sure yet how it will affect our daughter, the first girl Dick in a few generations.

On the flip side, my husband's brother ("Little Dick") and his wife changed their names when their son was born.  Her maiden name was also a famous would-be-assassin's last name, so they took my husband's/brother-in-law's mom's maiden name.

To compensate (but mainly just because I love the name and always have), we gave our son my maiden name as his first name.  Our daughter is named in homage to Walter Payton ("Payton", not "Walter" -- feel free to call her "Sweetness").  They both have entirely normal, "vanilla" middle names, in preparation for the day they realize their parents saddled them with first-name-for-last-names and last-names-for-first-names and wish for a more normal moniker.